you've gotten tough, says ani

i just came from seeing ani difranco in concert. that woman can make some noise. it was just her and a guy playing the upright bass. she was really energetic. it was a fun excuse to get dressed up and see some flavor of "my people," people i might imagine to be rare in LA. there were girls who looked like they could have been at a brittany spears concert, lots of women wearing kind of drab clothes, and some women wearing clothes that i was excited to see: clothes that said queer, or fashion forward, or both.

there was a very loud woman behind me who would shout out in the middle of quiet slow songs "i love you ani!" and "i love the way you play guitar, ani!" i actually cringed the first time she shouted. i told myself it was ridiculous to cringe on her behalf, and that i should be able to let other people do their thing. but i cringed again in response to her next outburst.

there were a lot of lesbians at the concert. some of the brittany girls were hanging on each other, and i had the uncharitable thought to wonder if their motivations went beyond increasing their attractiveness to boys. something about their behavior suggested that its display was the most gratifying part of it.

the smoke (from the stage and a little from pot smokers) didn't kill my lungs or well-being. i did get a headache, but some advil helped that. again, my improved asthma meds come through. amazing.

although i was fairly misanthropic throughout the concert, i was happy to be there. there was no seating, but there was room to stand away from the crush of the crowd and still see ani. i think it was really good for me to go to the concert, given how stifled i've felt by pasadena lately. i really need to broaden my social circle. i need to hang out with some people who are weirder and more out-there than me in some hard-to-define way, people who will inspire me and let me feel on the normal side every once in a while. in the past i've found people through volunteer organizations, political organizations, karate, school. to accomplish it here, i think i must become part of an institution that is physically located closer to the center of the city. until i have a car, i'm not going to be able to commit to it. i don't even know what 'it' is yet.

bad dog, who i fed and walked before the concert, needs a quick walk. here i go out into the pasadena night, in my leather pants, mirror ring, and sparkly jacket. tomorrow i go to the opera. what a weekend.